Monday, April 18, 2011

Human nature

It is amazing (amazingly annoying) how a single human can feel so independent and empowered yet so sickeningly lonesome at the same time.

I have to get through these next two weeks. I want a hug.

I want to ride bikes on Hilton Head. I can't wait until I can do that, that and sincerely smile.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Music Building

Such a cold, literally cold, place. Why is the lobby so cold? Tonight it is about 33 degrees out, but the temperature in here is the same as it was when it was 80 degrees out.

33 degrees. That's what I am. Not extreme enough to change something but still uncomfortable.

I'll stay in here until the too-old-to-be-a-janitor black lady comes in and laughs at me at four-thirty in the morning. She's so sweet, I hope they pay her well.

And now, as amphetamine salts do their magic on my neurotransmitters, I sit in the dark of the lobby and wait for her, so I may smile back and be happy about where I am right now.

Mahler's 2nd Symphony resonates through my being and I write about he was a failed composer while he was alive. Yet his music has moved me to tears, and I feel I haven't the justice to write about him for some meaningless project.

At least he didn't die as abruptly as Mozart of Schubert. Although Schubert did have it coming, with all the sex and drugs he consumed his time with.

No sleep for me tonight. I blew the chance.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

So Long, Lonesome

Beautiful moment:

It was a light rain. I was high, for the first time in a long time. I was walking back from rehearsing at around eleven at night. Not too cold. Listening to the title of this blog. It was nice. So nice that I decided to make it last longer and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I quickly turned around and scared the girl walking behind me. It was funny.

I hope it happens again sometime.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


...spending twenty-fucking-thousand dollars a year deciding what I may or may not want to do with myself.

Here's to a new eleven and a half months.